Earthbound
by VioletQueenMarie
Summary: Instead of becoming shadow-kissed, Rose Hathaway turns into an earthbound ghost after dying in the car crash that kills the Dragomirs. Lissa tries to cope with the loss of her family and friend at St. Vladimir's, navigating school life and lurking darkness as a young princess and charge of Dimitri Belikov. Will the living and the dead move on?
1. Chapter 1

**"Of all ghosts, the ghosts of our loved ones are the worst."** _-_ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, _The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes_

* * *

She tried to save them.

Vasilisa Dragomir did everything in her power to keep her family and Rose Hathaway alive. She called 911 and commanded the first responders to get help immediately. She used proper, medical techniques like CPR and applying pressure to wounds. She searched up and down the dark, snowy road their car accident had occurred on, hoping to find anyone that could provide aid in the meantime. She prayed to God and begged Him not to take them away from her.

But the paramedics took too long. Her loved ones remained still and unbreathing and bleeding. No other vehicles drove by. God didn't answer her prayers.

It was a nightmare. A gruesome, living nightmare that Lissa needed to vanquish. There wasn't much else she could do, yet she wasn't going to give up easily. She was going to fight for their lives, just like Rose would've fought for hers as her guardian.

Lissa placed her hands on her mother's chest, while hope and resolve surged through her veins. "Mom, wake up!" she screamed. "Please, wake up!"

A few moments passed, but nothing happened.

Rhea had no pulse.

Devastation poured into Lissa, and she frantically went to her father and did the same thing. "Come on, Dad. Wake up." She choked on a sob. "Say something. Anything…"

No response.

Eric was stone-cold dead.

At that point, attempting to revive Rose and her older brother, Andre, seemed pointless. If her parents weren't alive, then they weren't either. But she'd sworn to herself she wouldn't lose faith. What kind of a sister and friend would Lissa be, if she broke such a promise?

With renewed determination, she touched her sibling's chest and forced her will onto his corpse. "Open your eyes, Andre." Her voice was encouraging—pleading—as she shook him. "I know you can do it. Please, open them."

He didn't; he was as lifeless as Rhea and Eric.

Lissa's tears flowed harder and faster, blurring her Moroi vision. Her entire family was gone. How could this be? Was this some cruel joke? Did the universe hate her?

Shuddering and weeping, she shuffled to Rose. Lissa barely held herself together, but she somehow conjured up the energy to try resurrecting her best friend. Closing her eyes, she settled her hands over Rose's heart and amplified her willpower. Her pale face scrunched so tightly, that it looked like shattering glass.

"Come back to me, Rose. Please, don't leave me." She said this over and over, like a broken record. It was nearly impossible for her to stop.

After several moments of intense concentration, Lissa opened her eyes. She scanned Rose for any sign of life but found nothing. Her other half was unmistakably dead.

 _I should've known they'd stay dead,_ she thought. _I'm so stupid for thinking otherwise. So, so stupid…_

Numbness replaced her misery, as Lissa collapsed beside the cadavers. The ground's coldness seeped into her skin, but it didn't faze her. She relished in the feeling of her bones and muscles freezing up. Of not being able to move. Because it gave her the chance to play dead. To seem like she was with her loved ones in the spirit world.

* * *

The guardians eventually located Lissa and the others. They had to convince the human police and paramedics to vacate the horrific scene. It took a while for the authorities to agree, yet they left nonetheless. Their purpose was to help those in need, not aggravate their problems.

When the guardians began tending to the dead bodies, Lissa ensnared them in her embrace. "Get away from them!" she growled. Her jade-green eyes were glassy and red, while her platinum-blond hair was in vicious tangles. Her clothes were stained in semi-fresh blood—her, her family, and Rose's blood.

She looked insane. Broken.

A male guardian held up his hands. Lissa couldn't quite remember his name, but if she had to guess, it was Yuri. His voice was calm and carried a Romanian accent. "We're not going to hurt you, Princess. Just let them go. Everything will be okay." He slowly stepped forward.

Princess. Lissa was now a princess.

Her father had held the title of prince, but he wasn't alive anymore. None of the other Dragomirs were. She was the last, living member. The sole representative of a powerful bloodline, and she didn't want to be.

Lissa scooted away, croaking, "I can't. I need to stay with them."

"What you need, Princess, is to come back to St. Vladimir's." Lissa jerked her head toward the new voice. It belonged to an older, female guardian with leathery skin and graying hair: Alberta Petrov, captain of the school's guard. "We can do a better job of protecting you there."

Lissa met the woman's gray gaze. Her voice was rigid. "My family died today. Our guardians and my best friend, who was supposed to be my guardian, died too. They weren't killed by Strigoi but a drunk driver. Can you really protect me that well?"

Her challenge struck Alberta speechless, but the latter quickly regained composure. She cleared her throat and stood up straight. "We'll do everything we can to keep you out of harm's way, Princess. You have my word." Alberta held out her hand. "Come on. It's time to go."

Lissa looked at their surroundings. The sky was pitch-black and littered with diamond-like stars, as the silver moon illuminated the thick and dark forestry. Crystal-white snow fell from the heavens and coated the brown earth and looming trees. Everything was silent and still. It all resembled a winter wonderland.

But she knew better than to be enraptured. There were bound to be Strigoi lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike. Lissa could just picture a horde of the immortal monsters ambushing her and the guardians. Their red-ringed eyes and deadly fangs. Bodies falling one by one, until there was no one left to see another day.

Snapping out of her unnerving thoughts, Lissa shook her head. She swallowed hard and gripped Alberta's hand. When she was on her feet, Yuri led her to one of St. Vladimir's SUVs. She kept her gaze to the front, yet every once and a while, she glanced behind her to look at her loved ones.

Even when the body bags shielded them from her view.

* * *

Dr. Olendzki was tending to a novice with a sprained ankle, when Lissa and Alberta rushed in. She initially furrowed her brows at their presence; Moroi students rarely came to the infirmary, due to not having a physically demanding education. But then, her jaw dropped and a hand pressed against her racing heart.

"Oh my god! Vasilisa, you poor thing…"

Alberta led the girl over to Dr. Olendzki. "Can you please take a look at her injuries? They seem minor, but I just want to make sure there's no serious damage."

The physician nodded. "Of course." She sat Lissa down on an empty bed and began her examination. "Is she the only one, or are there others coming in?"

"She's the only one." A lump formed in Alberta's throat, but she swallowed it down and took a deep breath. "The others didn't make it." She couldn't help the trembling in her voice.

Dr. Olendzki gasped. Her hand froze above the gash on Lissa's temple. "Everyone else died?" Alberta nodded. The doctor cradled Lissa in her arms, as tears flooded the girl's eyes and broken sobs filled the room. "It's okay, Vasilisa," she cooed, stroking her hair. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Wait a minute. What happened?" The novice who had been receiving medical attention before Lissa and Alberta had arrived sat up straighter in his bed. "Why is she crying?"

"The Dragomirs died in a car crash, Novice Barnes. So did Rose Hathaway," Alberta answered, her voice now steady.

Dean widened his eyes and paled. His jaw went slack. "Holy shit…" He focused on Lissa, who was facing his direction with her chin resting on Dr. Olendzki's shoulder. "How the hell are you still alive?" he asked, puzzled yet amazed.

Alberta narrowed her gaze at him. "Apologize to Miss Dragomir this instant, Novice Barnes. Never again do I want to hear such insensitivity."

He flinched at her harsh tone. But before he could say anything, Lissa said, "It's okay, Guardian Petrov. I don't want his apology." She just wanted to disappear.

Alberta blinked in surprise. "Oh…Well, all right then." She pointed a callous finger at Dean and chastised, "I still want you to watch your mouth, Novice Barnes. Understand?"

He nodded vigorously, stammering, "Yes, Guardian Petrov." He remained silent, after that.

Satisfied with Dean's response, Alberta directed her attention to Dr. Olendzki. "How is she?" she wondered, gesturing toward Lissa.

"Aside from the gash on her head, she has bruises and shallower cuts. She also has general neck pain, swelling, and a sprained ankle. As you suspected, it's nothing major. She should be fine, in a week."

Alberta nodded. "That's good."

Dr. Olendzki stood up from Lissa's bed. "I'm going to get her a cast, hot compress, and ointment. Even though I said she'll be fine, I still want her to stay overnight. Just to be safe."

"Okay, thank you." Dr. Olendzki disappeared, and Alberta turned to Lissa. "I'm going to see Headmistress Kirova." She bowed and gave a small smile. "I'll come back to check on you, Princess. You should get some rest."

Lissa nodded, despite not meaning it. Resting was the last thing she wanted to do. Memories of the car crash would only resurface to haunt her. She needed to keep her eyes open, no matter what. If she didn't, the darkness would take her.

When Dr. Olendzki reentered the infirmary, Alberta left. The doctor tended to Lissa's injuries, humming lullabies and whispering soothing words. Lissa pretended to be at ease, smiling along and staying still. Dean watched them from his bed, solemn and quiet.

And light shone throughout the room, keeping them all safe and warm until the darkness creeped in.

* * *

"I'm terribly sorry about the tragic loss of your parents and brother."

"May the Dragomirs rest in peace. They'll be deeply missed."

"How does it feel to be a princess?"

"I can't believe you were the only one who survived the car crash!"

Lissa was bombarded left and right, while she was escorted to Headmistress Kirova's office the following day. All she wanted to do was run to her dorm room and hide in her bed forever. She'd been used to the attention she'd received as a high-ranking, royal Moroi. But she couldn't stand it anymore. Too much negativity surrounded her family name.

She arrived at her destination, minutes later. Although Lissa knew she was going to get similar treatment from the headmistress, she appreciated everyone else not being around.

"Vasilisa."

Kirova rose from her swivel chair and nearly ran to the girl. She wrapped her arms around her, and Lissa didn't know whether to return the gesture or pull away. She'd had never been this compassionate.

"I'm so glad you're alive and all right. If you hadn't made it, only God knows what would've happened. May He rest your family's souls."

Lissa offered a weak smile, when they separated. "Thank you." That was all she could say.

Kirova nodded then sat down, and Lissa did the same. The former folded her hands on her mahogany desk and returned to her authoritarian nature. "I'm afraid you'll be spending winter break on campus, Miss Dragomir. You're not leaving this school, even if you're invited to a vacation. It's the best course of action, right now."

"But Christmas is coming!" Lissa couldn't help countering her. She didn't want to be treated like a prisoner. "I should be celebrating it someplace else. It won't be as fun and special, if I stay. The same goes for New Year's."

Her argument earned a condescending chuckle and headshake. "You don't need to be away from home or school, to have a wonderful vacation or break." Then, Kirova fell strict again. "You're remaining behind the safety of the wards, and that's final. You'll also be assigned a guardian."

Lissa furrowed her brows. "I haven't graduated yet."

"Being the last Dragomir makes you a perfect target," Kirova explained. "Strigoi will be jumping at the chance to eradicate a prestigious, royal family like yours. Therefore, you need a guardian early." Her gray eyes pierced Lissa, who squirmed in her seat. She felt like a vulture was staring at her.

"Who's going to be my guardian?"

"The process is still underway, Princess. I should know, in about a week." Kirova smoothed out her black, pencil skirt. "In addition, the funeral is going to be on campus after winter break. The Queen will be in attendance, as well as other high society Moroi and the entire school."

Lissa grimaced. How would she be able to deal with all that attention? People were already offering their condolences everywhere she went, and it only made her remember the tragedy she wanted to forget.

 _Is everyone trying to have me lose my mind?_ she thought.

"I understand this'll be a difficult experience for you, Miss Dragomir," Kirova said. _Do you really?_ "But your family deserves to be honored and celebrated for the lives they lived." _Rose does too_. "That's all for now. You're dismissed."

Lissa nodded. "Yes, ma'am." She was so happy to leave, that she wanted to sprint out of the office. But all that'd do was make her look rude. She also needed to take it easy on her ankle.

Instead, she got out of her seat and walked to the door with grace and calmness. As much as the cast would allow, anyway.

When her hand touched the doorknob, Kirova's voice broke the silence. "I know Miss Hathaway was your friend and future guardian, Vasilisa. But you shouldn't waste your time mourning her. She was expendable and a troublemaker. If she hadn't been a novice, she only would've been a blood whore."

Anger ripped through Lissa's chest. Yet pain took its place, as she spoke about her best friend—her sister—in past tense. "Rose was more than that. She would've been a great guardian. One of the best." She couldn't believe she was acknowledging that Rose was gone.

Kirova rolled her eyes and swatted a hand. "Whatever. Just go and get some rest."

Lissa stormed out without another word.

* * *

Blazing fire, mangled metal, oozing blood, suffocating smoke, dead bodies…

Lissa tossed and turned in her bed, as those images flashed in her mind for the second night in a row. She tried to wake up, but it wasn't possible. Her eyes were glued shut, and the awful memories were too real to erase. The darkness was too strong to defeat.

She remained trapped for what appeared to be forever, until she felt a hand touch her and heard a voice calling her name. Lissa finally jerked awake, hyperventilating and drenched in a cold sweat. Her head whipped around, as her gaze darted all over her dorm room. She expected to find her roommate, but Natalie Dashkov wasn't there.

Only her.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

* * *

Hello everyone, and thanks for clicking on this story! I thought it'd be really cool to explore the concept of spirits and the afterlife, so I created a what-if scenario about Rose dying in the car crash but still being around as an earthbound ghost, which is a ghost that lingers in the physical world for various reasons (violent death and unfinished business, for example). This obviously changes a lot of what happens in the books, but I'm going to fill you guys in on what happens between the car crash and graduation. Plus, I'm still keeping key elements of canon: Dimitri being Lissa's guardian, Lissa activating her spirit magic, Sonya Karp going insane, Victor Dashkov's plan.

This story **WILL NOT** be novel-length. I'm planning it on being 10 chapters, at most. This also **WILL NOT** be updated frequently. **Cursed by Fairness** is my main priority, and if any of you are following it, I aim to update this weekend. Early next week, at the latest. I really needed to focus on something else, since chapter seven just wasn't working out. But I'm inspired now and prepared to jump back in.

Let me know your thoughts, in a review! Constructive criticism is especially welcome. Please follow and fav, if you want to continue reading.

Question: **Do you believe in ghosts?**

Until next time...


	2. Chapter 2

**"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."** _-_ Laurell K. Hamilton _, Mistral's Kiss_

* * *

"What are you still doing in here?"

Lissa shrieked and fell out of bed, groaning as she hit the floor. She'd thought the voice—which somehow reminded her of Rose—had been the one haunting her the past, few days. The whisper in her ear that never let her do anything in peace. A sad, breathy noise begging for company.

However, she only saw a confused and concerned Natalie when she glanced at the doorway. The voice had been her roommate's, not some intangible entity's that couldn't be seen. It was an unsettling relief.

"Oh my God!" Natalie rushed over, bending down to help Lissa stand. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." It was a lie, but Natalie had seemed guilty and Lissa didn't want to make her feel any worse. Today was Christmas Eve.

Natalie didn't seem all that convinced. "Are you sure? Because you were pretty startled." She stepped closer to Lissa, assessing her with the same pale green eyes she had. "Is something bothering you? If so, I won't tell anyone. I promise."

While it was nice that Natalie wanted to be there for her, Lissa wasn't comfortable sharing the real reason why she'd freaked out. No one could know about the omnipresent voice that spoke like Rose. Or the chilling touch of its owner, who might've been Rose too. Kirova would send her to a shrink, if the truth was revealed. Maybe even an insane asylum.

The legacy of the Dragomirs would be absolutely ruined. Dead and gone, along with the stability of her mind. An eternal icon of pity and shame.

"Nothing's wrong," Lissa insisted. She plastered on a smile, massaging her aching side and keeping weight off her agitated ankle. "Like I said, I'm fine."

Suddenly, Natalie's eyes glazed over. She wasn't looking at Lissa anymore, but through her. As if she was in a different dimension. "Okay." Even her voice sounded foreign.

Lissa had no idea what was happening, but she had no time to ask. Natalie went back to normal as quickly as she'd spaced out, then changed the topic of conversation right after. "Anyway, I came in here to get some last-minute things," her roommate said, venturing to her closet.

"I thought you packed everything."

While she appeared tuned into the chat, Lissa was actually pondering Natalie's instant compliance. That hadn't been a result of mere persuasion. It'd stemmed from something darker: mind control. And it scared and worried her to the core.

Then again, a lot of things were scaring and worrying her lately. This was probably another illusion—a trick of her weary brain. She should just let it go.

"Me too. But Daddy told me to get one, more outfit. We're going be at Big Bear an extra day." Natalie took out a set of clothes then faced Lissa with a hopeful expression. "Can you please come with us? You'll have so much fun, and Daddy won't mind."

The saltiness of Lissa's tears burned like fire. She wanted to join Natalie and her dad—Victor Dashkov—so badly. All she did now was go through the motions, trying to stay afloat in a sea of tragedy and madness. Her existence had never been so agonizing; an escape was the only thing that could end her misery.

Yet Kirova had ordered her to stay on campus. If Lissa disobeyed her, she'd be dragged back to the Academy and slammed with detention. Maybe even suspension or probation.

Worst-case scenario, the guardians wouldn't be able to retrieve her. Lissa would get kidnapped and held hostage for the rest of her life, turned into a Strigoi, or killed just like her parents and brother. The Dragomirs would be no more. Everything they had done to ensure their power and influence would be all for nothing.

"I'm sorry, Natalie," Lissa replied after a while, wiping her eyes. "But I can't go. You can get me a souvenir, though. And send me pictures." She tried to sound positive but failed.

Her roommate's hope vanished immediately. "Okay, then. I'll see you when I return." Natalie walked over to Lissa and captured her with a tight hug. "I know you feel alone and depressed right now. But I guarantee this'll all get better. Daddy and I are here for you."

Lissa smiled. "Thanks. That means the world to me."

* * *

A group of dhampirs were hanging out in the Commons, when Lissa passed through on her way from lunch. They didn't notice her right away, too preoccupied with devouring freshly baked cookies and singing along to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." But once they did, the music was turned off and everyone stared at her as a grave, heavy silence fell over the room.

Tears welled up in Lissa's eyes again and she put her back toward them, so they wouldn't see her cry. She was sick and tired of breaking down in public. Of being the object of everybody's pity and sympathy. Why didn't they realize she couldn't be strong, if they kept treating her like she was weak?

Out of nowhere, a hand touched her shoulder. "Lissa, are you all right?" It was Mason Ashford, Rose's best male friend. Not the invisible figure—the one who somehow had her late companion's voice—she'd initially thought.

She jerked away from him. "No, I'm not all right." He flinched at her hostility, but she continued nonetheless. "The people I care about are dead, no one will quit acting like I'm some porcelain doll, and I can't go on vacation for Christmas. My entire life sucks!"

Mason frowned and stepped closer to Lissa with clenched fists. "You're not the only one who's suffering, _Princess_. Rose was my friend too; she meant everything to me." A stream of tears flowed from his baby-blue eyes. When he spoke again, Lissa could barely hear him. "I miss her so much. I wish she was still here, every fucking day. I never even got to tell her I love her."

 _He loved her?_

Lissa had always figured Mason had had a crush on Rose; he'd followed her around like a puppy and went above and beyond to make her happy. But she'd had no idea he'd cared about her so deeply. They were just teenagers—too young to understand what real love was.

Would Rose have returned his affections, if she'd known? If she'd still been here?

Mason's cries and sniffles echoed throughout the room, and a tall guy with sandy-blond hair—Eddie Castile—hurried over and wrapped his arms around him. He stroked Mason's scarlet-red curls, softly reassuring him. Lissa felt like a bitch for not having considered Rose's admirer's feelings. Like the self-absorbed princess he'd claimed her to be.

Too guilty to look at him, she stared at the floor. "I'm sorry for snapping at you, Mason. I shouldn't have done that." She wanted to say more, but she'd only repeat herself. She'd already conveyed her message in those two sentences.

He didn't respond for a long while, and Lissa transferred her gaze to him. His head remained buried in the crook of Eddie's neck, like he wished for her to leave. Did he not care about her apology? Did he think she'd been insincere?

Whatever the truth was, Lissa didn't wait to find out. She hightailed it to the door, suppressing the tears that threatened to fill her eyes. The weight of everyone's stares bore down on her, and she was just about ready to sprint to her dorm room (her ankle had completely recovered) when Mason finally spoke.

"Lissa, wait."

She stopped then slowly turned around, swallowing hard. "Yeah?"

"I forgive you." He had separated from Eddie and was now looking right at her, a small smile on his freckled face. "It's okay that you lashed out. You're going through a tough time."

Lissa shook her head. "No, it's not. I should've been in control." Losing her cool was unacceptable. She needed to maintain her family's good image. That's what Andre had done, when he'd been a student at St. Vladimir's. The whole school had adored him. It was only right that they adored her too.

"You couldn't help it," Mason said. "Give yourself a break." He walked over to Lissa, grabbed her hand, and led her to the other dhampirs. "Spend Christmas Eve with us. Your Moroi friends and roommate are gone. There's no reason for you to celebrate the holidays alone."

"I don't know…" She broke out of his grip and moved away. "I've already interrupted your guys' party, and I need to get started on a research paper... I should probably just go."

Mason opened his mouth to object. But his words were lost on her as the maddening voice resurfaced, assaulting her ear with its rasp. _Go on and have fun. A little won't hurt…_

Similar to earlier, it eerily sounded like Rose. Especially since that was something she would say. Yet Lissa still wrote it off as her brain imagining her best friend talking to her. The voice was too hollow and quiet to be real. She was only grieving; this was totally natural.

There was no way she'd let herself have an episode around these people.

"You'll regret it, if you leave." Eddie was speaking, instead of Mason. He now stood directly in front of Lissa with a pointed expression. "Don't you want a distraction?"

She crossed her arms and sighed. "Yeah…" It hadn't made sense to lie, when she knew she'd been craving an escape the moment she'd got back on campus.

"Then hang out here, for a bit. We have cookies, brownies, cupcakes, and candy canes. And a gallon of hot chocolate." Eddie gestured to a snack table against a wall across the room. "We're also singing along to Christmas carols. You'll have a blast."

Lissa hesitated. She'd never really hung out with dhampirs, other than Rose. They led totally different lives. Hers had revolved around politics and networking, while theirs had been centered on training to protect Moroi from Strigoi. Plus, those novices hadn't been close to her family.

The only times she'd interacted with them was when Rose had brought them along. But Rose was no longer here, and Lissa claiming her buddies seemed wrong. They hadn't been her friends in the first place; it'd just be an awkward situation.

Although, Eddie was right. She'd regret not having some fun, since the car accident. It'd keep her from healing, and she _yearned_ to get better. Rose also would've wanted Lissa to get to know her old pals. It was the least she could do for herself and the girl who'd dedicated her life to her.

"Okay," Lissa finally decided, cracking a grin. "I'll stay."

Someone turned the music back on, and Mason and Eddie took her to a couple dining tables that were pushed together. She sat down in an empty chair, taking a sprinkled sugar cookie from a novice who introduced himself as Shane Reyes. As Lissa ate, she striked up a conversation with a female dhampir named Meredith. It was almost like talking to Rose.

When Christmas arrived several hours later, everyone—including Lissa—opened their presents. She hadn't expected to receive a gift, because she'd never participated in the group's annual tradition of Secret Santa. But Eddie and Mason had planned on giving her one, once they'd found out about Rose's death.

"Oh my God!" Lissa gasped, pulling the present out of the bag. "This is absolutely beautiful."

It was a large and cutely decorated scrapbook titled _Best Friends Forever._ There were numerous pictures of her and Rose, from kindergarten all the way to ninth grade. Most of them had been taken on campus, during off-break holidays like St. Varvara's and St. Valentine's Day. Or mealtimes, study halls, and girls' nights. The rest had been snapped outside of school, throughout shopping trips and vacations with Lissa's family.

"Thank you so much." She closed the book and embraced Mason and Eddie, careful not to wet all three with her tears. "I really appreciate you guys making this for me."

"We didn't make it."

Lissa pulled away, furrowing her brows. "What?"

"Rose actually did," Eddie said. "She gathered all your photos and bought the scrapbook and accessories, with the money she saved up. She swore us to keep it a secret, since she wanted to give it to you as a graduation gift. But because of the…accident, she wasn't able to. She told us before where she had it in her room. We thought it'd be a good idea to make it your Christmas present, now that she's gone."

Mason nodded. "We debated handing it to you on the day of the funeral. Yet we figured it'd be best if you had it sooner, rather than later." He beamed and wiped a lone tear running down his cheek.

A higher level of admiration blossomed inside Lissa. Rose had done so much for her—probably more than anything she'd done. While her best friend had lacked the funds to give fancy and expensive things, Rose had offered better value by just being a wonderful person. Bringing beauty, happiness, love, and fun to everyone around her.

Lissa hugged Eddie and Mason once more. "This is the greatest Christmas present I've ever had."

* * *

She met her new guardian, a week and a half later. Her heart nearly stopped, when Alberta brought her into Kirova's office. The tall man standing in the middle of the room was drop-dead gorgeous. His face looked like it was carved by gods, and his shoulder-length brown hair and intense, dark eyes only added to the effect. Lissa never knew guardians could be that hot.

"Miss Dragomir," Kirova said, snapping her out of her daze. "This is your sanctioned guardian, Dimitri Belikov. He'll be assigned to you for the remainder of your high school career and future endeavors after graduation."

He stepped forward and bowed with grace, despite being several inches taller than her and everyone else in the room. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Princess." She heard a faint, Russian accent. Solemnity filled his gaze, afterwards. "I'm sorry about the loss of your family."

"Please, call me Lissa." Formalities and condolences were such a drab. They only emphasized the fact that her loved ones were gone. "And I lost Rose too." Her fallen friend deserved to be recognized just as much as her family.

Dimitri arched an eyebrow. "Guardian Hathaway's daughter?"

"Vasilisa," Kirova warned with a sharp glare.

Alberta came to the rescue. "Yes, Guardian Belikov." When she spoke to Kirova, her words were respectful yet firm. "Let the princess speak, Headmistress. You know how important Rose was to her."

Dimitri looked between the two women before focusing on Lissa. He searched her face long and hard then asked, "She was more than a friend, wasn't she?" His voice was soft and warm.

Lissa nodded, fighting back tears. "She was my sister. The best sister in the entire world."

His lips twitched into a glum smile, as understanding darted across his features. "I'm sure she was." Not a moment later, Dimitri slipped on his guardian mask. He turned to Kirova and Alberta. "Is there anything else that needs to be discussed?"

"I'd like to go over your work schedule," Alberta said. "Come to my office, after you take the princess to her room."

"Yes, Guardian Petrov." Dimitri uttered a goodbye then guided Lissa out of the room, through the upper campus administration building, and outside.

The air was cold and dry, and snow crunched underneath their feet as they walked. Light, gray clouds blanketed the dark sky, releasing crystals that wet their clothes and melted in their hair. It was mid-morning—almost midnight, human time—and Lissa looked forward to getting back inside. She planned to put on her pajamas, climb into bed, and flip through the scrapbook again.

Once they reached the Moroi dorms, she started pondering what she should say to him. They hadn't breathed a word to each other, while they'd been outside. Dimitri didn't seem all that gregarious, so Lissa had resorted to keeping to herself. He was also her guardian, and she his charge. What would they even talk about?

Nevertheless, she decided to give socializing a try. "Did you celebrate the holidays yet?"

Dimitri tensed, remaining silent while they went up the stairwell. Lissa cursed internally, wishing she hadn't opened her mouth. If he'd wanted to chat, he would've said something already. Now she had to apologize for bothering him.

But before she could, he answered her question. "No, I didn't."

That made no sense. Russian Christmas was a few days away, according to the Gregorian calendar. He should've still been at home with his family. Yet for some reason, he'd flown in as soon as he'd received the job offer.

"Oh…okay." Lissa was itching to ask Dimitri why he'd left Russia so quickly. Although, the lingering tension in his body told her not to. "How old are you?" she wondered instead.

He eased up a little. "Twenty-two." A seven-year difference. Not too bad. It was definitely better than having a guardian in their thirties or forties.

"What school did you go to?"

"St. Basil's. It's like St. Vladimir's, but the campus is larger. And the curriculum is more rigorous. I graduated at the top of my class."

Lissa's eyes widened. She wasn't keen on the details of guardian training. But she certainly knew it was a severe, lengthy process. Dimitri was extremely qualified, for someone his age. He'd probably received a royal guard request from Queen Tatiana herself.

"Wow, that's amazing! Who was your cha—?"

"All right, Princess." She didn't correct him, this time. He was on edge again. "We've reached your room." Dimitri took a small notebook and pen out of his long, leather coat. He wrote something down before ripping out a page and handing it to her. "If you need anything, email me. Or go to the service desk in the dhampir dorm. The worker there will notify me, and I'll be on my way as soon as possible."

"What if another guardian is already with me, when I'm in trouble?"

"They'll inform me of the issue, and I'll come over to help." Dimitri opened her door with his staff key and bowed. "Enjoy the rest of your day, Princess. I hope your soul heals."

Lissa froze, as he turned around and descended the stairs. Those last, few words may have seemed like any other wish to get well. Yet she knew it was deeper than that. She'd heard the pain and sadness in his voice, despite the guardian mask he'd worn. It was the same as when they'd been in Kirova's office.

Dimitri's message hadn't just been for her.

It'd been for him too.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

* * *

 **CBF** followers, I apologize for not updating that story when I said I would. I had writer's block, and real life and distractions also got in the way of me making Ch 8. I'm planning on posting Ch 8 this weekend or early next week. I appreciate you sticking with me!

Now onto _this_ story. Thank you so much for the reviews! I'm glad you're liking this unique spin on the VA narrative. Feel free to tell me your thoughts chapter in a review :-)

Until next time...


	3. Chapter 3

**"It is important to attend funerals. It is important to view the body, they say, and to see it committed to earth or fire because unless you do that, the loved one dies for you again and again."** _-_ Anne-Marie MacDonald _, Fall on Your Knees_

* * *

Multiple knocks sounded to her left, quiet yet firm. The voice of their owner filtered through with equal force, rich and deep as it called her gloomily. Lissa wondered how long Dimitri had stood outside her room, before he'd revealed his presence. If he'd heard every wretched cry and incoherent rambling she'd made in the past ten minutes.

"Princess." She sniffled, wrapping her arms tighter around herself. "Princess, everyone's waiting for you at the funeral. They're starting to get worried."

"I don't care." She didn't know if he heard that over the scratchiness of her voice, but she didn't give a damn.

"I know having to go hurts, Princess." Apparently, he had. "But you still have to come. You can't just ditch the service."

"Yes, I can."

Unwilling to move, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Puffy, red eyes stared back. And her paler-than-usual, tearstained skin underneath her elegant, black dress made her look like a ghost instead of a living person. Nobody could see her this way. Fading away was better. So much better.

Dimitri fell silent. Lissa smiled. It was a hollow smile but a smile, nevertheless. He was gone. She could finally be alone and grieve on her own. Miss out on the speeches and gifts and prayers and hugs and questions and body viewings—the looks, the kissing up, the suffocating pity.

"Don't you want to say goodbye to Rose and your family?" he eventually asked, indicating he hadn't moved either. Lissa tensed harder, killing her smile. His voice was strangely emotional. "Don't you want to see them one last time? See them before...before you can't see them anymore? Don't you want that?"

Her heart throbbed. He sounded like he was talking about himself, like he had three weeks ago, when he'd wished for her soul to heal. Maybe Dimitri was right. Maybe she shouldn't be alone. Maybe she shouldn't grieve on her own. Maybe she should let him inside. Let him comfort her, and her comfort him.

But she couldn't. Isolation was easier to bear. She didn't have to share the weight of others' pain. And they didn't have to share hers. It was peaceful. Painfully peaceful, yet she had her nails to take away the pain whenever it all got to be too much. They'd helped her a lot, a week and two days ago. Perhaps, she should do it again...

The lock clicked. Lissa jerked to find him walking through the open door. Dimitri stopped a few feet away from her, appearing much more emotional than he'd sounded. She'd never thought he could look so shattered.

"Trust me, Princess," he said, fighting to keep his voice steady. "You don't want to skip the funeral. You'll regret it for the rest of your life."

She watched him for a moment, then slowly went towards him until they were inches apart. "Your first charge died, didn't they?" It was the only reason she could think of, given how reluctant he'd been to talk about them.

A lone tear slid down his cheek.

Lissa took a deep breath and lowered her head, swallowing hard while she stared at his polished shoes. "I'm sorry, Guardian Belikov."

"Me too." It was barely a whisper.

"Who—who were they?" She felt bad for asking, yet she really wanted to know.

Surprisingly, he responded. "Ivan Zeklos." She raised her head and widened her eyes. There was a royal Moroi in her grade named Jesse Zeklos. He had to be one of Ivan's cousins. Did he know he'd passed away? "He was killed during a Strigoi attack, while I was on vacation with my family. And it was all my fault." Dimitri's voice quivered now.

Lissa had the urge to embrace him, but something told her he didn't want physical affection. It'd break him to shambles; this already hurt him enough. "No, it wasn't," she said instead. "You were on leave. There was nothing you could've done."

He shook his head vigorously. "I should've stayed with him. I should've—" He paused then sighed and wiped his eyes. "I should've said goodbye. He was my brother, and I didn't tell him goodbye at his funeral like he would've done for me." His dark brown eyes suddenly hardened, piercing her. "You need to tell them goodbye. You don't want to be haunted forever."

Her blood ran cold. Memories of Rose's voice—her real yet unreal voice—played in her head like a tape. Did Dimitri know about that? Did he know that her friend talked to her? That she could feel Rose somehow? Did he think she was a total nutcase?

Lissa ended those thoughts and nodded, gulping. "Okay. I'll go to the funeral. I'll...I'll say goodbye."

Nodding in return, he held out his jacketed arm. She gripped him tightly, earning a supportive squeeze on her hand. "Don't worry, Princess," Dimitri said. "You'll be fine. I'll be right beside you."

She tried to ignore her churning stomach and racing heart. The possibility of him somehow noticing the cuts on her wrist, even though they were covered. "Promise?"

He squeezed her hand tighter. "Promise."

* * *

The funeral was beautiful.

However, it would've been more beautiful if Rose had more recognition and the guest list was significantly smaller.

A neatly arranged, extravagant shrine for the Dragomirs stood against the Gothic walls, decked out with the family colors, insignia, and motto. Offerings littered the top, many of them being jewels and silks and wines and delicacies. Small portraits of Lissa's parents and Andre were bordered by scented candles and fragrant, colorful flowers in vases while larger ones were displayed on the alter with wreaths of flowers framing each.

Rose had a simply clothed table dedicated to her, situated on the other side of the church. The novices had created a poster board, an idea they'd suggested to Lissa and had all agreed upon, with her portrait and some pictures from the scrapbook and ones from combat practices, parties, and classroom and dorm pranks. In front of it were all her favorite things. It wasn't as lavish and decorated as the Dragomir shrine. But it was still nice in its own way.

Moroi, royal and non-royal, filled the wooden pews, locking their gazes on to Lissa as Dimitri led her to the front row. It was so silent, she could hear her blood pounding in her ears. Feel their pity slapping her across the face. Behind them sat the dhampirs, and along the walls stood the guardians, more empathetic than sympathetic. And honestly, she appreciated it much more.

When they reached her destination, Dimitri gently eased her down onto the pew and sat beside her, his hand still holding hers. The royal Moroi neighboring them looked surprised—even annoyed—at him staying in the front, when their own guardians weren't sitting with them and he was so tall. But Lissa disregarded them and relished his support, placing all her focus on Father Andrew at the podium.

"Good afternoon, everyone," he solemnly greeted. "I'd like to thank you all for coming to honor the precious lives of the beloved Prince Eric, Princess Rhea, and Lord Andre Dragomir. As well as Novice Rosemarie Hathaway. We're going to start the service with a prayer. So, if you would, please bow your heads..."

Lissa obeyed and closed her eyes, trying not to cry as he recited the prayer. The words rang deep and true in her soul. It warmed her that she could always find comfort in God, now more than ever. She didn't know what she'd do without his guidance and salvation.

Several seconds later, the prayer ended and everything that followed was a blur. When Victor delivered a speech about her parents and the novices and a few teachers spoke about Rose for her, she paid extra attention. But all the things everyone else said at the podium was the same old stuff, save for a couple interesting stories.

Once it was time for the body viewings, Lissa burst into tears, unable to handle seeing her loved ones even though they were well-dressed and clean rather than bloody and bruised—on top of all the memories that had flooded her mind throughout the speeches. Dimitri wrapped an arm around her and dutifully led her out of the church. People started filing out shortly after and swarmed her like bees, throwing thousands of questions. Shooting millions of comments. Trying to touch her any way possible.

"Everyone!" Kirova interrupted. "Please make your way to the Commons! The cold outdoors isn't the place to socialize. Please make your way to the Commons."

Dimitri immediately took Lissa there, everyone hot on their trail. As soon as they entered the toasty room, the chatter returned, and she sighed as people surrounded her again. She longingly stared at the novices and her Moroi friends getting food and drinks, before engaging in conversation with all the royals while he thankfully hovered nearby, refusing to leave her alone much to the irritation of the elites.

The only time he did leave was when Queen Tatiana Ivashkov approached her. With a bow, he politely excused himself and Lissa internally wished she could too. It wasn't because she didn't like her. She just didn't feel like talking anymore. She wanted a distraction.

Putting on a pleasant face, she curtsied. "Your Majesty. Thank you so much for coming. I deeply appreciate it."

"You're welcome, dear." Tatiana grabbed her hands, holding them gingerly. "What happened to your family is a tragedy, one we could've never expected. However, after each tragedy there's a fortune. Each ending a beginning. I believe great things will come to you, in time."

Lissa averted her gaze. "I don't know about that, Your Majesty…"

"Vasilisa, look at me." She obeyed, meeting Tatiana's emerald-green eyes that seemed to shine so bright. "Life isn't all bad, and it isn't all good. It's both. But right now, you're only experiencing the bad. Which means the good is just around the corner. You're stronger and braver than you think. You'll get through this." A smile graced her pale, wrinkled face.

"How do you know?"

"You're a Dragomir." Lissa was touched—too touched to say anything. Then, just like that, the Queen ended the conversation. "I'm afraid I must get going. There are matters awaiting me at Court. I wish you all the best, and I hope to see you again under much better circumstances." Tatiana gave her a final smile then left the premises with her royal guards in tow.

Not a moment later, Dimitri resurfaced next to her. "Everything go okay?"

Lissa nodded, ruminating Her Majesty's words. "Yeah, I think so."

* * *

God granted Lissa's wishes through another funeral service. This was held later in the day at the school cemetery, after everyone either went back home or to the dorms. It was specifically for Rose, and she got buried there while the Dragomirs would be buried at Court.

Even though she'd had some spotlight during the main memorial, it'd been clear the school had only allowed her to be honored to not seem like heartless assholes. Their friends, select teachers, Rose's mother, and Dimitri were attending this one too. And an unrecognizable dark-haired, Moroi man in bright and expensive clothes. They all stood before her grave, which her poster board and gifts had been moved to.

As the snow fell lightly, they each took turns saying something new about Rose while Janine Hathaway and the strange man listened, who occasionally glanced at Dimitri for whatever reason. Lissa told a story about the time when Rose had officially began feeling like her sister. Mason told a story about how Rose had become his first love. Eddie told a story about how Rose inspired him during training. The other novices told stories about how Rose had always stood up for anyone in need. Stan, Alberta, Ms. Karp, Mr. Nagy, and Ms. Meissner told stories about how they'd always believed Rose had the potential to be a great guardian and student, despite her troublemaking.

Lissa stepped forward again and made a closing statement, when everyone was finished. Tears coldly ran down her face. "We miss and love you so much, Rose," she said, hugging herself and willing herself to keep going. "You've been the best friend and sister I could ever have. The best classmate. And I'm sure the best daughter. Never will you be forgotten. Or stop being loved. Rest in peace, and—" She sniffled and wiped her face. "Take care of my family, wherever you are, okay?"

A chilling wind blew, and Rose's voice surfaced. _I will...I promise...And I'll take care of you too._

Smiling through her sobs, Lissa kneeled down and kissed the frozen ground, not caring if her lips were turning blue. Once she stood up, all the novices and teachers embraced her and offered some more well wishes before giving her some privacy with Janine and Rose's apparent father. Dimitri looked like he wanted to leave, but he stayed by her side anyway, understanding she still needed support and comfort.

"Thank you for being such a wonderful friend and sister figure to Rosemarie," Janine said, sounding pained. "And I appreciate your parents for all that they did for her, when I couldn't." It wasn't hard to catch the guilt and shame in her voice.

"Of course," Lissa replied, hating to see her beat herself up about not being a good parent. If only Rose had known how sorry her mother was. How much she'd actually cared... "I'm so happy I met her and got to be a part of her life."

"Wish we could say the same," lamented the man beside Janine. He grinned sadly, offering a gloved hand. "Ibrahim Mazur, but you call me Abe. I'm Rose's father. It's nice to meet you."

Lissa gaped, shaking his hand. Out of her periphery, she noticed Dimitri's stunned expression, which stunned her. He didn't seem like the type to get that feeling a lot.

"Rose was your daughter?" he asked in disbelief.

Abe grimaced at his use of past tense but responded, nonetheless. "That's right."

Dimitri muttered something under his breath, and she furrowed her brows at hearing _Zmey_ , which meant "snake" in Russian. What could possibly make Rose's father be like a snake?

 _Something bad_ , her conscience whispered.

"How did you and Guardian Hathaway get together?" Lissa questioned, confused as to why a strict and rule-abiding woman like her would have a relationship with an unconventional, shady man like him.

Janine stiffened, and Abe laughed. "It's a long story. One that'll have to wait another day, I'm afraid." The tone of his voice, though, hinted there actually wouldn't be a day at all. He faced Dimitri. "I heard about what happened to your charge," he said softly. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thanks."

"You've grown into a fine, young man. And become accomplished too. That's really great. It's like you were a boy just yesterday." Lissa and Janine looked between the two of them, and Abe cleared his throat. "Well, we better get going. It was a pleasure meeting you, Princess. And seeing you again, Guardian Belikov. Take care."

"You too," Lissa reciprocated. Dimitri nodded. Janine uttered her own goodbyes, then pressed herself against Abe and walked away with him, her cries barely audible over the wind and snow. Once they were no longer in sight, she asked, "How do you know Rose's dad?"

"He helped my family out, when I was a kid." She could sense he was hiding something, but she didn't ask anything else. He spoke again before she could get out a word. "Rose seemed like a promising novice and extraordinary friend," Dimitri commented, gazing intently at the grave. "Quite reckless, impulsive, wild, and stubborn. But still promising and extraordinary. I'm sure she would've done amazing things."

Lissa teared up, admiring the grave with him. "Me too. She probably would've drove you crazy, but I think you would've liked her."

He chuckled. If she wasn't mistaken, a ghost of a smile tugged his lips. "I think so too."

* * *

Lissa worked on her research paper, the rest of the night. She knew it was a bad idea, and Mr. Nagy wouldn't mind her turning it in even later because of the funerals. Yet she'd already made him give her an extra week to complete it. And she hadn't been productive at all, thanks to her crippling grief and depression. Demanding more time wouldn't be fair.

Right?

She was so close to stopping and just turning in what she had done so far with her poor focus, when Aaron Drozdov, her boring and annoying boyfriend, called out to her from outside her door.

"Babe, can you let me in?"

Groaning, Lissa got up from her desk and threw the door open. "What do you want, Aaron?"

Hurt flashed in his blue eyes, before he said, "I just came to see how you were doing. I didn't get to talk to you that much today. I figured you'd want some company." He smiled tentatively.

She crossed her arms. "I'm kind of busy and want to be alone." She didn't know why she said that so sharply, when he was trying to be a good boyfriend, but she couldn't help it.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Now will you please go. I'll see you later." Lissa started closing the door, but he stopped her. She scoffed. "Aaron!"

"Come on, Babe. Don't be like this." He ensnared her waist and kissed her cheek. "Forcing yourself to work isn't going to help. Neither will isolation. I know you want a distraction."

She tried to argue, yet nothing came to mind. He was right, and she despised it. "Okay then," she conceded. "Any suggestions?" He gave her a smoldering look, and her breath hitched. She gulped. "Are you sure?"

"Are _you_ sure?"

Lissa shrugged. "I don't know…"

"We don't have to go all the way, if you don't want to. We can just makeout—"

"No, we can go all the way." Aaron raised his blond brows, and she said with as much conviction as possible, "I mean it. I want to do this. I want you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard, hoping he'd stop interrogating her and just let her forget for a while. It was his idea, after all.

He moaned, gripping her tighter and kissing her back with equal hunger. _Thank God_! she thought. His lips burned away all the negativity consuming her, which completely turned to ash when his hands wandered across her body and tangled in her hair. Kicking the door closed, he pulled off her dress while she pulled off his jeans and unbuttoned his shirt, their movements fast and clumsy. Once they managed to get down to their underwear, he lifted her to her absolute surprise and carried her to the bed, where he unceremoniously dumped her.

Spreading her legs open, Aaron nestled in between them and continued kissing her, reaching his hand into her panties to stroke her clit. She moaned and grinded against him, delighted at the pleasure shooting throughout her body and his erection pressing into her through his boxers, which she stroked in return. Now moaning together, they kept it going until she was wet, and he was painfully hard. Unable to tease any longer, they discarded their underwear.

Their skin meeting was electrifying. Lissa never wanted the buzzing to fade. Aaron fondled her breasts and nipped at her neck a little, then suddenly left the bed and searched his jeans. She stared in confusion, until she saw the condom packet in his hand.

"Sorry," he said when he returned, blushing and giggling. "I almost forgot."

She laughed, and it made her feel even better.

He laughed again before putting on the condom and laying on her. Aaron kissed her softly and stroked her hair. "You ready?"

Lissa licked her lips and took a deep breath, then nodded with a smile. She hoped it looked genuine. "Yeah."

Taking her word for it, he eased into her. She hissed at the pain and dug her nails into his back, so he thrust slow and kept kissing her tenderly. The pain dulled after a while, and soon, she serenaded him with moans again. But she found herself faking it, compared to earlier. The heat and electricity weren't intensifying. They were fading, like she'd dreaded, and when Aaron released with a loud groan, she didn't orgasm. This wasn't as good of a distraction as she'd expected.

"I love you, Lissa," he said blissfully, kissing her one last time before pulling out of her, shifting to her side and throwing the covers over them.

"I love you too." The words felt hollow, but he didn't say anything about it if he knew. He merely fell asleep. She sighed as she stared up at the white ceiling, regret pouring into her and wishing Natalie wasn't staying with her dad tonight.

Cutting herself would've been the right distraction.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

* * *

I'm back! Sorry it's been almost a year, since the last update. I didn't think it'd be THAT long, but unfortunately, things just happen. Hopefully, you guys have been well-occupied by other stories or even writing your own. If so, let me know in the reviews or PMs what stories you've been following/working on!

While I've not been posting, I've been reading: **Bases Loaded** by Dream Walker's Obsession, **Hopeless Wanderers** by Megamorr, **Truth Expected** , **Don't Dream It's Over** by Swimming the Same Deep Waters, and **Who We Were Meant To Be** by SKDanielle16.

 **FYI** : I'm using The Journal of Vasilisa Dragomir as a reference, for all the stuff I'm writing before her and Rose are supposed to go on the run. So, actual events from that story are getting incorporated in here. I'll continue doing that throughout and will eventually begin incorporating actual events from the VA books and other related stories, as the story timeline progresses. As well as mix in my own interpretations of established things or things I'm coming up with myself.

Until next time...


	4. Chapter 4

**"We have now left Reason and Sanity Junction. Next stop, Looneyville."** _-_ Jim Butcher _, Grave Peril_

* * *

Aaron continued offering Lissa distractions, over the next two weeks. Sex. Alcohol. Drugs. Parties. She refused drugs but accepted everything else, eager to suppress the demons plaguing her mind. Decadence was never quite enough. Yet Rose always managed to keep her from slitting her wrists with her trusty razor blade when nothing helped, no matter how badly she wanted to bleed out and fall apart.

Every time Lissa would get ready to self-harm, she'd come. She'd talk to her and touch her like she used to, similar to when she'd suggested Lissa should celebrate Christmas with the novices. And every time, Lissa would put her weapon away and cry in the comforting presence of her best friend, until she could function again.

Rose had promised her she'd always take care of her, even in death. And Lissa believed that was exactly what she was doing and had been trying to do, since the accident. Originally, she'd thought she was imagining things—going crazy. But now, she realized it was the opposite. Rose wasn't ruining her sanity. She was maintaining it, was her savior.

When Valentine's Day came, Lissa wished Rose could keep her company instead of Aaron. She pondered cutting herself to get Rose's attention, but quickly decided it was too sick and twisted to do. Instead, she went to class like the good student she was and accepted the standard flowers, chocolates, teddy bear, and card he gave her each year with a fake smile on her face. She wanted to throw them away so much. They were so boring and unoriginal. She wished he would've given her something sentimental, like Rose had always done.

The dance, though, was what she dreaded the most. She didn't have the energy to fake her happiness for that; pretending during school hours had been exhausting. However, making it up to Aaron for turning him down would take more effort than going with him—which she had even less desire to do. So, Lissa sucked up her reluctance and went to her closet to look for something pretty enough to keep his talking to a minimum, after finishing her homework and showering.

"Aren't you gonna get ready for the dance?" she asked Natalie, once she chose her outfit. It was the bejeweled, lavender dress her mom had bought her before the accident. Tears gathered in her eyes, yet she blinked them away.

Her roommate shook her head. "No. I don't have a date. I'm just gonna hang out with Erin tonight."

Lissa almost told her she was incredibly lucky for missing out but held back. "You don't need a date to go," she alternatively said, slipping off her robe with her underwear already on and putting on her dress. "You can go with your other friends. Valentine's Day isn't just for couples."

Natalie sighed. "I know, but I really am fine with skipping this one. And I'd hate to intrude on you and Aaron…" A pinch of jealousy tainted her voice.

Lissa wanted to say her tagging along wouldn't be an intrusion in the slightest. That she was sorry for trading her for the popular crowd, when she was the only one who truly cared about her in the midst of all this devastation. However, those words didn't leave her mouth.

"I'll spend time with you after the dance, okay?"

Natalie nodded halfheartedly, so she compelled her—something she'd been doing more often, lately. It had just been for small things, like forcing Mr. Nagy to give her that extension for her paper. Or forcing people to change subjects, like she'd done to Natalie before Christmas break. Or believe whatever she wanted them to believe, like now. Yet that didn't make it right.

"Okay?" Lissa repeated. "I promise."

"Okay," Natalie agreed with a big smile. It was scary how she could make people obey her so easily. No Moroi could compel like that, as far as she knew, and she couldn't understand why. "I'll see you later. Have fun!"

"Thanks," she lied. "I will."

Lissa went to her dresser and styled her hair in loose curls. Next, she put on matching jewelry and finished off the look with the prettiest mask of all: makeup. After applying it on her face and scarred wrists, she stepped into her heels then texted Aaron to come pick her up. She was already counting down the minutes until the dance ended, when he arrived with bursting excitement.

* * *

Just like she'd hoped, Aaron was too smitten with her appearance to hold a decent conversation and couldn't stop drooling over her cleavage. All the other students at the dance reacted similarly. They approached her the whole night, telling her how beautiful she was. How that was how a true princess should look. It made her want to scream.

Grateful the music was too loud to encourage his talking if he had any urges, Lissa absentmindedly danced with Aaron to the thumping bass and soft acoustics as he ran his hands over her body. She scanned the Commons, briefly catching Dimitri's eye while he stood like a statue against a wall. He wore a neutral expression, yet she saw the knowing in his gaze. He wasn't fooled by her facáde one bit. He noticed she didn't want to be here, as clear as day.

She broke the eye contact, yearning to find more clueless people. It worked for a good amount of time. Everyone was in their own world making out, dirty dancing, getting refreshments, and chatting.

Until, she located Christian Ozera: the only student who hadn't bothered her.

He stuck out like a sore thumb, donning an all-black outfit despite the red, white, and pink theme. As if love wasn't all unicorns and rainbows. Lissa was shocked to see him here. These kinds of events didn't seem like they were his scene, especially since he was ostracized thanks to his parents willingly turning Strigoi a few years ago. And she was even more shocked she couldn't keep her eyes off him.

His raven-black hair and crystal-blue eyes were captivating alone, more striking than Aaron's blond hair and lighter blue eyes. But it was his demeanor that really got her. The roughness around the edges, the disinterest in all the societal bullshit, was so refreshing.

Everyone was so wrapped up in being perfect, in upholding Moroi tradition and hierarchy—her, above all, now that she was the youngest princess. Yet there he was, not giving a damn about what was expected of him or how his parents' actions killed those expectations. It was truly admirable. She wished she could be like that…

Christian suddenly paused his conversation with a blonde girl who looked like a porcelain doll and stared back at Lissa. He pierced her with his eyes for several moments. It felt like he was peering into her soul. Then, he gave her the faintest smile. Heat rushed to her cheeks, and she found herself returning it.

But it all ended when the girl turned around, noticed Lissa, and sent her a vicious glare before facing away and resuming her talk with Christian.

The dance finally concluded, some time after, and Lissa internally cheered. Yet just as she was about to drag Aaron out of the room, he opened his mouth. She wanted to pull her hair out.

"Hey, Babe," he said, more excited than earlier. "Camille's gonna have an after-party in her room. There'll be better food and drinks and music. Even games. It's gonna be super fun. We should totally go."

She clenched her jaw, fighting the headache threatening to pound her skull. "I don't want to. I'm tired."

He sighed. "But Babe, it's Valentine's Day."

"We already did plenty of celebrating, Aaron. I wanna go back to my room."

Now, he was getting agitated. "Will you please just go with me? One more party isn't gonna hurt—"

"No!" Lissa said that so loud, everyone who was still in the Commons gaped. "I told you I'm tired, okay? Stop telling me to do this and do that. Go here and go there. Shut the fuck up and leave me alone, for once. Goddamn."

Shaking and nails digging into her palms from fisting her hands, she abandoned Aaron in the middle of the room with a wounded look on his face, passing all the surprised and horrified faces of the others. She didn't know how she was moving so fast in heels, but she didn't care. All she cared about was getting back to her room.

"Princess." Dimitri was right on her trail. She increased her pace; however, the lingering snow and grass started working against her. A curse flew out of her, once he caught up and made her stop. "Is everything okay?" he asked, filled with concern.

"I told you to call me Lissa," she snapped. "And yes, everything's fine." She tried to maneuver around him but failed.

"You don't seem fine."

"Look, Guardian Belikov. I really need to get some sleep. So, if you'll excuse me…"

He studied her for a moment, then nodded. Although, tension and worry still gripped him. "All right. Would you like me to escort you?"

"No."

"Very well...Have a good night." He gave her one last, uneasy look before walking away.

* * *

Five days later, other people also became concerned about Lissa. Particularly Ms. Carmack, the elemental magic instructor. But it wasn't because of her huge outburst at the Valentine's Day dance. It was because of an entirely different reason.

"The princess still hasn't specialized, Headmistress," she said as Lissa, who was running an errand for another teacher, eavesdropped from outside Kirova's office. "I tested the Moroi sophomores earlier today, and all of them declared except her."

Lissa furrowed her brows. What was so wrong about not specializing? Didn't it just mean she was a late bloomer? Ms. Carmack made that sound like a bad thing, yet it really shouldn't be. She could manipulate the four elements better than before, and with equal aptitude too.

Kirova vocalized her thoughts. "Are you sure you're not overreacting? She probably just needs a little extra time. I doubt it's anything serious."

"Trust me, Headmistress," Ms. Carmack urged. "This isn't normal. Even late bloomers would've at least gravitated towards a certain element. Vasilisa hasn't gravitated towards any of them."

Okay, maybe her results _were_ pretty strange.

There was a moment of silence, before Kirova spoke. "Well, she is going through a lot right now. It's only natural for her to be out of sorts. Yet we'll still keep an eye on her. I'll especially tell Guardian Belikov to heighten his awareness. If she gets worse, we'll resort to medical treatment."

Lissa paled. Medical treatment? Oh God. How terrible! There was no way she'd let them put her on pills and turn her into some mental patient. She needed to make sure they believed she was fine. Lose herself in decadence, even though she didn't exactly enjoy it. Bust out the compulsion, even though it wasn't ethical.

"All right," Ms. Carmack conceded, sounding more stressed and worried. "Hopefully, she gets better."

* * *

Two days went by, and she didn't feel better. Lissa picked decadence as her solution and snuck out of her dorm after curfew to smuggle peach schnapps from Abby Badica—who was shocked at her breaking the rules on her own—then headed to the school cemetery to drink away her problems at Rose's grave.

The warm weather felt nice, especially the bittersweet taste of alcohol. She rambled about all kinds of things in peace, not really knowing what she was saying but still finding comfort in the words. She even rambled about Dimitri.

"He's very handsome."

"I've never seen a guardian so dedicated and serious as him, but he also has a soft side."

"We actually have a lot in common."

"You would've totally crushed on him. You always loved tall guys, and he's a giant."

Rose's laugh filled her ears, and Lissa found herself laughing along as the alcohol shot a pleasant buzz through her veins. She lost track of time, laying in front of the grave as they continued to talk with the golden sun peeking through the white clouds. It was like the good, old days. If only Aaron and the others could make her happy…

Eventually, she fell asleep with a smile, the wind softly blowing around her. She was in the middle of dreaming about the way Christian had looked at her, when somebody shook her awake.

"Vasilisa," said a feminine voice. "What are you doing out here? You should be in your room."

Sitting up and blinking away the image of a guy who wasn't her boyfriend, she discovered Ms. Karp kneeling beside her. She thought her teacher would be on a chastising spree. Or a worrying spree, like the rest of the school staff. But she actually seemed nonchalant. As if Lissa hadn't gotten drunk in a cemetery and talked to a ghost.

"I'm sorry for breaking curfew," she apologized, scrambling to get up and stumbling in the process. "I just needed some space…"

"It's okay, Princess." Ms. Karp smiled weirdly. "Your secret's safe with me." A shiver ran down Lissa's spine, and she awkwardly smiled in return then collected the empty bottle of alcohol before following Ms. Karp back to the Moroi dorm.

They walked in silence, and Lissa couldn't help but wonder why her teacher was wandering around when she should've been asleep herself. She did it quite often. Maybe she had a sleeping disorder? But that didn't explain the scars on her temple, which looked self-inflicted. Maybe she was simply crazy? Crazy Karp was her nickname, after all.

Her thoughts were cut short when she discovered a dead raven sprawled on the ground a few feet away. Lissa automatically went towards it, her heart clenching at the precious animal's life having gone to waste. She kneeled down and reached out her hand, as Rose's voice told her over and over that she'd get a disease if she touched it. But she touched it anyway, wishing it hadn't died like Rose and her family.

And the bird twitched.

Lissa gaped, as it got on its feet—shiny and strong. It gave her an almost thankful look with its black, beady eyes before uttering a sharp caw and flying away. She was so amazed and confused, she couldn't even move.

"That was fantastic," she breathed, staring wide-eyed at her hands, at the spot where the raven had been. "I've never felt so alive and powerful. So happy. So—"

"What have you done?!"

Ms. Karp grabbed Lissa's shoulders and jerked her up, her nails digging into her skin. She shook her like a rag doll. Her eyes were enormous and flooded with paranoia.

"You can't do that ever again," she said really fast, her voice shallow and broken. "You need to be careful. If you're not, they'll start coming for you."

"What? Who?"

"This didn't happen, okay? The bird wasn't dead. It was just tired. You just woke it up."

Lissa nodded. Her mind felt clear yet foggy at the same time. She had no clue what was wrong with it.

Ms. Karp released her and continued leading her back to her room, tense and jittery. When they arrived at her door, her teacher bid her a good night with that signature, weird smile then left. Lissa entered her room and got ready for bed like any other day, making sure not to wake Natalie. However, as she climbed under the covers and drifted off to sleep, Ms. Karp's first words of panic echoed in her head.

 _What have you done?!_

* * *

 **Author's Note**

* * *

Sorry this is two weeks late! I didn't have enough time to finish writing the chapter on time. I kinda procrastinated, which made me overestimate the time I needed to complete it. So, I had to give myself an extra week, lol. It's a little on the shorter side, but it's setting up all the stuff that's happening in the next update, which is setting up everything that's following. And starting Ch 6, we'll be heading into junior year! I can't wait to headcanon how eleventh grade could've gone and explore Spirit. Also, did ya like the quote related to this chapter? I think it's quite fitting ;-)

Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favs! It's much appreciated.

Until next time...


	5. Chapter 5

**"If an offense come out of the truth, better is it that the offense come than that the truth be concealed."** -Thomas Hardy, _Tess of the D'Urbervilles_

* * *

The raven situation took a lot out of Lissa. She overslept, the next day, and felt exhausted when she woke up. Her mood even deeper in the gutter, she cut her wrists despite Rose's pleading then made a second run to the feeders with the hopes of getting back the rush of energy she had experienced yesterday, before classes started. Yet all it did was keep her conscious enough to move around.

She hurried to first period as fast as she could, barely arriving on time in her pajamas. The other students looked at her like she was a freak—which she supposed she was, nowadays—and the Russian language teacher asked her if everything was okay. Lissa nodded, claiming she had just forgotten to set her alarm, and assured them they had nothing to worry about. They gave her a warning then went on with the lesson, but she couldn't concentrate no matter how hard she tried.

Rose's ghost was staring back at her.

Lissa had no idea how she was visible all of a sudden. But there she was, looking just as she had on the night of the accident. Her long, brown-black hair framed her pretty face, flowing from the beanie on her head. And a thick coat covered her thermal shirt underneath while gloves covered her hands. Her jeans were tucked into boots. A sad smile pulled her lips, and it pained Lissa to see the liveliest person she had known appear so...well _, dead_ , for lack of a better word.

"Oh my God...Is that...Is that really you?" Rose barely nodded. Lissa lifted a shaking hand and reached out to touch her, eyes wide and brimmed with tears as she gaped; however, her best friend disappeared right when the teacher spoke.

"Vasilisa, are you all right?"

Putting her hand down, she blinked severely before meeting the stares of her disturbed instructor and classmates. She tried gathering her thoughts into coherent sentences, yet nothing came together. So, she just sat there in silence with a blank expression, praying this ordeal would work itself out.

Her prayer was answered in the form of Dimitri, who she hadn't noticed for obvious reasons, until now. He abandoned one of the walls and came to her desk. "I'm going to take the princess to the infirmary, Ms. Stevens," he said, gently helping Lissa out of her seat and collecting her backpack. "I think it's best she does not attend classes today. I'll email the rest of her teachers about her absence."

"I think so, too," Ms. Stevens replied, sounding scared and anxious. "I'll email her the homework assignment, later. And she can take as much time as she needs to, on it. I hope she gets better."

Dimitri gave a quick, final response then directed Lissa out of the room and into the hallway. He took her through a few more before stopping in a secluded area that was away from all the classrooms in the building. "What happened back there?" he asked, calm and collected. She assumed it was for her benefit. "You looked like you saw a ghost."

"That's because I did." Her voice was so quiet, she hardly heard herself.

"Ghosts aren't real, Princess." He still maintained his composure, but she saw that glint in his eye. He believed she was crazy. And it pissed her off.

"I know what I saw," she said harshly, glowering at him as she fought to keep her fists at her sides. "It was Rose, without a doubt in my mind. And she's been communicating with me, too."

Dimitri tenderly put his hands on her upper arms, regarding her like some fragile object. He spoke very softly. "I know you miss her, but she's not here anymore. You need to heal and move on. Imagining her still being here isn't going to help you."

"I'm not imagining her!" Lissa shoved his hands off her, and he stared at her in shock and worry. Even fear. "I really did see her in class, and she's been interacting with me ever since the accident. I swear I'm not making this up, Guardian Belikov. This seriously happened."

He examined her, reflecting everything she had just said with a shrewd look on his face. Lissa could just hear the hallway clocks ticking, as several moments of tense silence passed. She was getting ready to snatch her backpack from him and run to her dorm room, when he responded.

"I don't really believe that's what's going on," Dimitri finally said. "But I'll respect your opinion." He made a beckoning motion. "Come on. You should get checked out at the infirmary. We'll talk to the Headmistress about therapy, afterwards."

Backing away, she shook her head vigorously. "Uh-uh. I'm not going to the infirmary. And I'm _definitely_ not going to therapy. No way."

He slowly approached her and adopted that soft, warm tone again. "I didn't say you were going to therapy. I just said we would talk about it, as a potential option." Once he reached her, he flipped the script and grabbed her hands, firmly holding them while he pointedly gazed at her. "But seriously, Princess. You should at least let Dr. Olendzki take a look at you. Just to make sure your health is okay."

"I'm not crazy," Lissa said weakly.

"I never said you were."

"You thought it."

Dimitri averted his gaze. She was right, and he knew it. When he looked back at her, he scrutinized her once more. "Are you completely positive you've been having encounters with Rose's ghost?" he asked, doubt lacing his words.

"Yes."

"How?"

"I can sense her. I thought I was losing my mind, at first. Yet I started realizing her presence would join me at specific times for specific reasons, without me even thinking about her."

He arched a brow. "Such as?"

Lissa shrugged. "She came any time I was feeling down about her and my family's death." She purposefully left out Rose also coming when she wanted to cut herself and had discovered that dead—or asleep?—raven. He'd have her put in therapy and on every antidepressant for sure, if he knew.

Dimitri sighed, now being the one to shake his head. "I don't know…"

"I can prove it to you." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Really. I can get Rose to come and talk, so you can hear her."

"Princess…"

"Please believe me," Lissa urged, clasping her hands. "Rose is really here. I promise—"

The bell rang, signaling the end of first period. The sound of doors opening and closing, chatter, and footsteps traveled through the halls. She cursed to herself. This probably would've gone better, had she just lied. At least Dimitri would've believed she was normal crazy, not crazy crazy.

"We'll continue this conversation later," he said, as people started getting closer. "Go get some rest. You can get checked up, another time."

Lissa nodded, mentally dancing at this victory. He returned her backpack, and they parted ways as soon as their area was breached.

* * *

By lunchtime, everyone knew about her strange behavior that morning. Rumors spread like wildfire, and she extinguished them with compulsion as much as possible every time she used the bathroom, visited the feeders, or got something to eat. She made her peers believe she wasn't becoming Deranged Dragomir, some kind of Crazy Karp 2.0, and instead told them she hadn't slept well last night. That her brain was simply working overtime and making her think things were happening when they really weren't.

Most of the damage was fixed, once curfew rolled around. However, Lissa felt utterly exhausted all over again. And her mood plummeted for the second time. She wanted to slit her wrists so bad, craving the way it released her pain, like never before. Without any hesitation, she fetched her razor blade, glad that Natalie was having a sleepover with her other friends. But right when she pressed the tip against her skin, Rose appeared.

She dropped the blade and burst into tears, falling to the floor in a heap. "I don't know what to do, Rose," she said through her sobs. "Everyone thinks I'm insane, but I can't tell them the truth. Even Dimitri won't believe me, and I told him as much as I could. I feel so trapped. I don't know what to do…"

A caress on her cheek drew Lissa's head up. Her best friend regarded her with that sad smile. _"It's okay. I'm right here. Everything's gonna be okay."_ Rose's voice was raspy and barely audible, but it was still soothing. Still her.

Slowly, but surely, Lissa began to feel better. Rose stroked her hair and continued telling her she'd always be fine with her there, until the sobbing stopped. She wiped her eyes, then picked up her razor blade and stood up before putting it away. It was so nice to be strong again.

 _"See? Everything's gonna be okay."_

Lissa smiled. "Thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you." Then, she sighed and plopped down on her bed, spreading herself out on the sheets. "But I still have no idea what I should do."

 _"Quit using compulsion."_

"I can't. I wish I could, but... it's best if nobody knows what's going on. _I_ don't even know what's going on."

 _"Well, you need to start using it less. It's not healthy for you."_

"I'll try." Lissa didn't enjoy compelling people against their will and would've loved to stop altogether. Yet it helped her so much, despite the energy it drained from her. It was like a built-in shield. It protected her in ways no one else could. "Any other ideas?" she asked, hoping Rose's next suggestion would be easier to do.

 _"Yes. Tell Dimitri everything."_

Lissa bolted upright, dread shooting through her veins. "No. Absolutely not.

 _"He's your guardian,"_ Rose said, sternly gazing at her. It was such a rare look for someone who'd been so fun and carefree. Who was so gloomy now... _"How is he supposed to do his job, if you won't let him protect you? You shouldn't hide things from him."_

"He can't know about the cutting. And he's not going to believe what happened with the raven. Or how I'm able to compel so easily and haven't specialized. He already doesn't believe you exist."

 _"Then, I'll prove it."_

"What?!" Lissa's eyes nearly fell out of their sockets.

 _"I'll talk to him myself."_

"Rose, don't! He's gonna—"

She vanished.

Lissa fell back on her bed and covered her face with her hands, as she battled a nervous breakdown. There were a million ways this could go wrong, and only one way this could go right. Man, were those terrible odds. She was so done for.

* * *

Turned out, she really was Deranged Dragomir.

About a week later, she started feeling like somebody was watching her. She didn't know who. Yet she just had this gut sensation that there was this stalker tracking her every move, and they were going to strike at any moment.

She didn't tell Dimitri about it, though. Between all that had occurred the past six days, expressing her paranoia to him would be the last straw. He'd pack his bags and get the hell out of St. Vladimir's, even if they doubled or tripled his salary and gave him every job benefit that existed. Besides, it was probably all in her head anyway. Ms. Karp had claimed the same thing, yet nobody had kidnapped her. She was still teaching, like usual.

So, Lissa carried on with her life and continued acting as if everything was normal. She used a little compulsion to keep the rumors to a minimum and hung out with Aaron—while she mentally pictured him as Christian—and the other royals, during the day. Then at night, she spent time with Natalie, which she was now making more of an effort to do. And so far, it was going well.

"I got you something," her roommate said, after they painted each other's nails and put on facials.

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

Lissa perked up. "Awesome. What is it?"

Natalie went to her closet and pulled out a container with mini pots and sprouting plants. She returned to Lissa and sat down in front of her, setting it on the floor. "Flowers! I know how hard it's been dealing with the rumors and death of Rose and your family. So, I thought some flowers would help brighten up your mood. They're still growing, but I figured you'd want to take care of them and watch them grow."

"Thank you so much," Lissa said, smiling and giving Natalie a hug. "I appreciate this a lot. It's really sweet." She opened the container and took out the pots. "What kinds of flowers are these?"

"Lilies, carnations, and orchids."

"Oh, how beautiful. Thank you again. I love it."

"You're welcome."

Lissa took them to her desk and neatly arranged them, then got her partially drunken water bottle and poured the remaining water into all the pots. After that, she opened the curtains just enough for sunlight to bathe the plants without irritating her and Natalie's skin. She smiled at her gift one last time before joining her roommate on the floor.

"Now that we've finished our nails and facials," Lissa said, "how about we watch a movie?"

"Sure. I'll go get some popcorn from Erin. You can pick the movie, while I'm gone."

"Okay."

Natalie got up and put on her robe and slippers, as Lissa fetched her DVDs. When she headed to the door, Lissa expected to hear it both open and close. Yet she only heard it open. And Natalie saying, "Oh my God! Guardian Belikov! What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

Lissa abandoned her DVDs and went towards them. "What's the matter?" she asked, furrowing her brows at Dimitri.

"I need to talk to you. Alone." The tone of his voice hinted there was no room for argument. And judging from the look in his eye, she inferred it had to do with Rose, and that conversation from last week.

Natalie looked like she had more questions to ask. But instead, she said, "All right. I'll just chill with Erin for a bit and come back with the popcorn later."

"Okay," Lissa replied. "See you later."

Dimitri nodded and stepped aside to let Natalie by, offering thanks before closing the door behind him. When he faced Lissa, he wore a haunted expression—one only a ghost could bring. "You were right," he said, mind blown. "She's real."

"I told you I wasn't lying."

His disturbance and astonishment turned to guilt. "I'm sorry for not believing you and thinking you were crazy."

"It's fine. I understand."

"No, it's not. I should've trusted you, like you're supposed to trust me."

Lissa winced. It sounded like a jab at her not telling him the whole truth, which she really needed to do. And for a second, she thought that was Dimitri's intention. But then, she realized his tone and gaze hadn't implied an underlying meaning. It had just been a simple comment.

"Are you all right?"

Damn. She should've known he would've noticed something so small and insignificant. Classic Guardian Belikov.

"Yeah. I just had a sharp pain in my chest. You know, those ones you get from breathing the wrong way?"

"Oh, okay." The way he said it made her sound like a weirdo.

"So…" She gestured for him to sit at her desk, and he hesitated before obliging, while she sat on her bed. "What did Rose say to you?" Hopefully, her best friend hadn't mentioned the self-harming and raven.

"She confirmed what you already told me. That she'd show up whenever you get depressed about her and your family's passing."

Lissa exhaled in relief. It was nice to know that even as a ghost, Rose still kept her secrets. No matter how much they should be revealed.

Curiosity then blossomed on Dimitri's face. "Have you had any encounters with your family's ghosts, by any chance?"

The question threw Lissa for a loop. "No. Just Rose's. Why?"

"Interesting…" He pondered for a moment, then replied, "I don't know how becoming a ghost works, but I assume the spirit must be unable to move on from here, the physical world—"

"And since my family's ghosts aren't around, then that must mean their spirits crossed over." Dimitri nodded, but he still looked like he was trying to figure out something. "Though, how come Rose's didn't?" she wondered, also confused. "How come hers is bound to Earth?"

"Maybe she's not bound to Earth...Maybe she's bound to you."

Lissa arched her brows. "Bound to _me_?"

He held up his hands. "I know it sounds crazy," Dimitri said, faintly laughing at their situations being reversed. "But think about it. You're the only person who can sense her, communicate with her, and see her. I was able to hear her, but I think that's only because you exposed me to her by telling me about her, so I could believe you."

"Okay. So...what are you getting at?"

"Well, there are these stories about guardians and charges having bonds. They allowed them to communicate with each other without speaking, and the guardians always knew what their charges were thinking and feeling, and where they were. Rose would've been my guarding partner, if she was still alive. And the way she's connected to you resembles that connection."

"Wow." Lissa cocked her head to the side. "I never really heard about that before."

"They're just stories. But it's the closest thing I've got to an explanation."

"Do you know how the bonds are created?"

Dimitri sighed. "I'm afraid not. The stories don't provide much detail—"

A knock sounded at the door, followed by Natalie's voice. "Hey, it's me. Have you guys finished talking yet? It's been a while…"

Lissa glanced at her alarm clock, widening her eyes at how late it was. "Oh, God. I should seriously get to bed. I guess the movie's gonna have to wait until another day."

"Yeah, I think so too." Dimitri vacated her desk chair. "All right. I'm heading out. Have a good night, Pri—Lissa." She chuckled and shook her head at him. "Sorry."

"It's fine. At least you're trying." He cracked a smile, and she sent one in return. "Good night to you, too."

He went to the door and opened it, also wishing Natalie a good night before leaving. Her roommate came in and closed the door, holding a package of popcorn. "What did you guys talk about?" she asked, hopping onto her bed.

"Just some guardian-charge logistics."

* * *

Five days later, Ms. Karp was no longer at school. Lissa spent the entire time asking her peers and teachers and Dimitri where she went and why she left. But nobody gave her a straight answer. Dimitri and all the teachers said she simply quit and was searching for a job elsewhere. And all the students said she ran away to commit suicide.

However, none of it made sense.

Not after what Ms. Karp had told her, when they had found that raven.

 _"You need to be careful. If you're not, they'll start coming for you."_

Had those people she'd been so terrified of ended up kidnapping her? Or had she fled before they could even make their move? Whichever it was, it was definitely clear that Ms. Karp hadn't been paranoid for no reason. And it was even clearer that Lissa would probably be the next target.

Rose urged her to tell Dimitri everything, once again. Yet she chose to push it off and promised she'd do it eventually and would be okay for now. Her best friend massively disapproved, insisting she better confess before it was too late, or else she'd regret it for the rest of her life.

The way she said it chilled her to the bone, and Lissa calmed herself by taking care of her plants—which have fortunately been helpful in improving her usually dark mood. They made her happy, every time she tended to them. And the more she did that, the happier she got.

"They're growing pretty fast," Natalie noted, as they did their homework, classes having ended a couple hours ago.

"I know right." Lissa stroked and smiled at the flowers. "I must be giving them the perfect amount of water and sunlight. They're already budding."

"Yeah, you must be. I bet they're going to be really beautiful." Her roommate began to resume working on an assignment, yet she stopped her once the day's events came back to mind.

"Hey. Do you know what happened to Ms. Karp? I've been asking people all day, but everyone kept saying different things or had no idea at all."

Natalie shrugged. "I'm not exactly sure. I think her running off to commit suicide is most likely, though. She was very unstable. It was only a matter of time before she snapped, and it's sad that she couldn't be saved."

"Yeah," Lissa agreed, suppressing a shudder. She desperately hoped she wouldn't have the same fate. "You're probably right."

* * *

Natalie's dad visited them, three days later, after classes were over. Lissa was surprised to see him. He had Sandovsky's Syndrome and was so weak and frail because of it; getting around was really hard and painful for him. But it still warmed her heart that he set aside his problems to check how she was handling her own.

"Vasilisa," he greeted, offering her a hug and kiss on the cheek, "it's so wonderful to see you. How are you doing, my dear?"

She reciprocated his gesture. "Thanks, Uncle Victor. It's so great to see you too. And I'm okay." It was a lie, but it was for the best. He already had enough to worry about. "Please, take a seat."

"That's good." He shuffled to her desk chair with his cane, groaning once he settled into it. "I assume that means your grades are still all A's?"

"Yes, they are." Another lie. There were now some B's and C's mixed in. Yet at least she wasn't failing.

"Fantastic. How's Aaron holding up? I'm sure losing Rose and your family has been rough for him."

Lissa wanted to laugh. Aaron hadn't really grieved or been affected by her grieving at all. He'd been living his best life, while she'd been pretending to live hers. That selfish bastard...

"He's coping well," she said, putting it lightly and fighting to keep the bitterness out of her voice. She went to go sit on her bed.

Victor raised his gray brows, which had previously been black like the hair on his head. "Wow." He grinned. "He must be quite the pillar, huh?"

"Mhm." God, this lying was getting so tiring.

He nodded along. "That's nice." Then suddenly, he became serious. Really serious. "How's it like being a princess? I imagine it's suffocating."

Lissa fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. "Yeah. There's a lot of pressure. But Aaron, my friends, and Natalie help me out a lot. Guardian Belikov, too." _And Rose_ , she silently added.

"Ah, yes." Victor grinned again. "Guardian Belikov. You couldn't have gotten a better guardian than him. He was an amazing choice. The perfect choice."

"I totally agree." Even though they haven't known each other for too long, she already couldn't fathom having someone else as her guardian—aside from Rose. It was like he was _truly_ meant to be assigned to her.

"He and Rose would've been great partners, don't you think?"

The question seemed a little odd to her. Yet she still thought about it. Dimitri was obviously a great fighter, since he was her primary guardian and had been valedictorian among his novice peers.

Rose would've been her guardian too—which Lissa's parents had wanted before they died. And she also would've been phenomenal, had she still been here to continue her training. As a matter of fact, Rose was already working with him, and she wasn't even alive!

They were also both extremely dedicated to protecting Moroi and making sure they came first. Lissa could tell by the way he carried himself, and Rose had carried herself. She couldn't help but agree with Victor.

"Yeah, I think they would've."

"Daddy!" Natalie interjected, wanting her father's attention now that he had given so much to Lissa. He had a habit of ignoring her, and it was kind of sad. "Did you see the flowers I got Lissa?" She pointed at them from her desk.

Victor followed her finger, looking delightedly at the plants. "Oh my. They're blooming wonderfully."

"I know right! That's what I told her."

"They're going to brighten up the room nicely," he said with a smile. "I can see it already. You know, you should have a garden someday, Vasilisa."

"Really?"

"Of course! You seem to love taking care of plants. Probably even animals. Why not spread that love to hundreds more?"

* * *

It was official. Lissa needed to come clean to Dimitri.

Almost killing Wade Voda at a late-night party nearly two weeks after Ms. Karp's disappearance was her reason why. She had no idea what had gotten into her. In the beginning, she had just been angry and repulsed at him trying to take advantage of a feeder. Then somehow, it had escalated into her compelling him to beat his brains out with a baseball bat, before Rose had stepped in and convinced her to stop.

The sheer horror that had been on her best friend's face was something she could never forget. Lissa had never been a violent person, but what she had done was so beyond her. So unlike her. And Rose—ghost Rose, not alive Rose—being absolutely terrified of her was soul-crushing. She couldn't let herself get to such a dark, low point anymore. Let her madness drive her to murder, even if that prick had deserved to be punished for forcing himself on that human girl.

Luckily, nobody told the guardians what had happened, when they showed up to end the party and clean the shards of glass from a window Lissa had made Wade break. They were all too drunk to recount anything, if they had been a witness. And the guardians didn't interrogate anyone, anyway. They just wanted to focus on straightening up the area and the students going back to their dorm rooms where they belonged.

A strange combination of numbness and exhilaration coursed through Lissa, as she stumbled into the hallway with the rest of the partygoers. She flowed along in a sea of people, on autopilot while they pushed her forward. She was just about to reach the nearest exit, when Dimitri burst through the doors.

He noticed her immediately and shoved his way through the students, despite their cries of protest. As soon as he reached her, he grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the crowd, taking her on a different route that led them outside.

She winced at the sunlight, until her eyes finally adjusted. He assessed her body for injuries, and she momentarily panicked, thinking he'd discover the scars of her wrists. But he didn't and finished his examination quickly, seeming satisfied with her condition. Then, he hounded her for information before she could even open her mouth.

"What the hell happened?" he demanded, crossing his arms. He sounded both concerned and upset. "I thought you were asleep in your room, but it turns out you were getting drunk at a party. And on a school night. Do you do this all the time?"

"I'm—I'm sorry, Guardian Belikov."

"Answer my question."

Lissa flinched. "I do party a lot," she admitted quietly, staring at the ground. "Especially nowadays…"

"This isn't how you should be grieving," he said, his tone softer than before. "You need to heal in a healthy way."

"I know…" She took a deep breath then met his gaze. "I'm so sorry, Dimitri. And not...not just about this. About everything."

He arched a brow. "Everything?"

"Yes. I...I haven't been completely honest with you, and it's time I do that. Like you said, I should trust you like you're supposed to trust me."

His eyes burned with a million questions and feelings, but he settled for a nod. "Okay. We'll talk in the morning. You need to get some rest."

"No."

"Lissa—"

"I've already waited long enough. I should tell you now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Dimitri looked reluctant to have this discussion while she was intoxicated, yet he obliged anyway. "Okay. We'll go somewhere private."

He took her to the guardian lounge—which was currently vacant—and she sat at one of the tables, fiddling with her thumbs while he made himself coffee and got her a water. When he returned, she downed half of it before setting aside the bottle. Her heart hammered, as she wiped her mouth.

"All right," he said, his voice soft yet firm. "What else has been going on?"

She sighed heavily.

 _Here goes nothing..._

Then, she told him everything.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

* * *

All righty! We'll now be transitioning to junior year. Though, I'll do some flashbacks for things that happened towards the end of sophomore year and over the summer, in the chapters that'll be taking place during the new school year. Tasha and Adrian will also be appearing shortly. I'm gonna bump up their arrivals a year earlier, due to the plot nature, so get ready for that! And is Victor a snake, or what? I think he should be called Zmey too!

Thanks for the follows, favs, and reviews! It's much appreciated :-)

Until next time...


	6. Chapter 6

**"I am terrified of this dark thing that sleeps in me. All day I feel its soft, feathery turnings, its malignity."** -Sylvia Plath, _Ariel_

* * *

The rest of sophomore year flew by, summer break flew by even faster, and Lissa was on her way back to St. Vladimir's before she knew it. She crossed her arms and legs in the window seat of the Dashkov family jet, glaring as her view changed from a beautiful sunset to Gothic architecture and concrete. Had it been any other time, she would've looked forward to returning to the place she'd always called home. But after everything that had happened the past several months, the Academy wasn't her home. It was her prison.

"We're here," Dimitri said beside her, when the plane touched the campus runway. He sounded relieved, which she understood. Sitting in one spot for multiple hours was uncomfortable for someone as tall as him. Even if their seats were roomier than ones on a commercial aircraft.

Lissa frowned. "Mhm."

He laid a hand on her knee. It didn't soothe her. "You're going to be fine, okay? I'm sure this year won't be as bad. It'll go by just as quickly."

"Whatever you say."

A sigh escaped him, and he took his hand away. Rising from his seat, he shifted into the aisle and removed their carry-on bags from the overhead cabinet with the help of Stan Alto. After Victor's guardians—Ben and Spiridon—got the remaining bags, the four of them did a final headcount and interior examination before escorting her, Natalie, and Victor out. They fetched the larger baggage from an exterior compartment, while the Moroi were greeted by Alberta.

"Princess, Prince, Lady Dashkov," she said cordially, bowing. "It's nice to see you all again. I hope you had a fun and relaxing summer."

Victor smiled. "We did. Especially the girls."

"That's great." Her face fell. "Unfortunately, it's back reality." Lissa deeply shared her sentiments. Alberta tilted her head toward the campus. "If you would, please follow me to the administration building. We need to get you all settled."

The guardians now ready to proceed, she gave them brief greetings then lead them all to the upper campus main office. Natalie chatted about how excited she was to be a junior and hoping her and Lissa's room was as well-arranged and spacious as their previous one. She also hoped for lots of classes together and bonding time. Lissa just nodded along and uttered the occasional "Yeah," focusing her attention on the darkening sky and warm, late summer breeze to mask her exasperation. God, the walk felt like forever.

They eventually arrived at the administration building, which was crisp and cool from the air-conditioning. Natalie and Lissa picked up their schedules and dorm keys with Victor, while the guardians went with Alberta to receive their own keys—Victor's included—and work schedules. After that was situated, Dimitri escorted the girls to their room while Ben and Spiridon handled Victor, and Stan went on his own way.

Natalie continued her babbling, and Lissa fought off a groan and eyeroll. She wished she had Dimitri's level of composure. He made hiding emotions look so easy. Yet they weren't as controlled, this time. She noticed he was speed-walking, which was starting to break up her roommate's word vomit as they were forced to keep up. It was amusing seeing him just as irritated as her. Now, she had to fight off a laugh.

Thanks to his long and fast stride, they turned up at the room in record time. He unlocked the door then let them enter first before going inside. Out of breath, the girls dumped their lighter bags on the unmade beds. Whereas, he gently set the heavier ones on the carpeted ground without even breaking a sweat.

Lissa marveled at how his swift pace plus the weight of all the luggage, hers particularly, took nothing out of him. Even though it was mundane, it still seemed like he could handle anything. And after witnessing him spar while they were staying at a Dashkov-owned home in Chicago, she wouldn't be surprised if he actually could. Ben, Spiridon, and Stan hadn't been able to win one match. Not to mention, he already had six molnija. He was a blood master seven—the youngest, at that—for a reason.

"I'm about to head to my room and unpack," Dimitri said. "I'll let you two get situated."

"All right," Natalie replied, smiling widely. "Bye, Guardian Belikov. Thanks for the help."

"Yeah, thanks a lot," Lissa chimed in, giving a radiant smile of her own. "See you later."

His lips curled slightly. "You're welcome." He bowed. "I'll see you later, Princess. Lady Dashkov." With lightning speed and efficiency, he got his bags from the pile and flew out of there, his coat billowing around him. Lissa finally released her laughter.

"What's so funny?" her roommate asked, once the door closed.

She waved a hand in dismissal. "Nothing. Just a joke I remembered."

Ever so gullible, Natalie believed her. "Oh, okay."

Two hours later, their room was squared away. Lissa's side merely had the essentials, while Natalie's had the complete move-in look with all types of decorations adorning it. The former had also planned to decorate immediately. But she'd gotten hungry while unpacking, so she'd decided to save that for another time in favor of blood and food.

"I'm going to the feeders and Commons," Lissa informed, her stomach grumbling. "And then, I'm going to see Guardian Belikov for a logistics meeting before we start school on Monday. I'll probably hang out with some other friends, after that."

Natalie nodded. "Sure. I think I'll catch up with Erin, while you're out."

"Okay. See you when I get back!"

Lissa left their room and quickly made her way to the feeders. Her stomach was growling louder now; the last time she'd eaten was shortly before they'd boarded their flight to the school, a few hours ago. She couldn't wait to taste the metallic yet sweet flavor of blood. She was salivating just thinking about it. Hopefully, there wouldn't be a long line.

When she arrived at the feeders, she was happy to see she wasn't mistaken. Only a handful of Moroi were on the waitlist. She checked in then sat in the waiting room, casually looking around and daydreaming. She thought the staff calling her name would be the thing to end her spacing out. Instead, it was her ex-boyfriend, Aaron.

He was walking into the feeding area and went straight to reception without noticing her. Though once he was checked in, he saw Lissa as soon as he turned around. Surprise flooded his features, then longing, then hurt, then resentment. He continued walking, pointedly sitting as far away from her as possible, and glared at her after settling in his seat. She couldn't blame him, seeing as how she had ended the relationship.

* * *

 _It was the last day of sophomore year._

 _Lissa had just finished cleaning out her room, all her belongings ready for transport in the Dashkov family jet that was parked on the Academy's private airstrip. She was spending the summer with Natalie and Victor. They were going to stay at one of their family's estates in Chicago. She was so excited. It was the perfect chance for her to get away from everything and properly heal from her tragic loss. As well as bond with Dimitri._

 _After she'd come clean to him about all the stuff she'd been hiding, he'd actually come clean to her about what had really happened with Ms. Karp. They had then promised they'd stop keeping secrets and be honest with and trust one another. Both on a professional and platonic level. Lissa had also suggested they could start using school breaks to get to know each other better, and he'd ultimately agreed. It'd been hard convincing him. But when she'd told him Ivan would've wanted him to live a happy and fulfilling life that wasn't all about work and isolation, he'd realized she was right._

 _But before they could start healing together, she had to say her goodbyes. And not just to her friends. To Aaron, as well. He'd been a nice boyfriend prior to Rose and her family dying. Yet ever since their passing, he'd sucked._

 _He hadn't been supporting her the way he should've. All he'd done was got her drunk and take her to parties they'd no business being at. He'd never asked about how she was doing. He'd never noticed the slits on her wrists. And the sex couldn't even make up for that. It was time to let him go, and Lissa was so glad she had Dimitri's support. Because if he'd kept quiet like her friends, she wouldn't have had the courage to break up with him now._

 _She reached his room and stopped in front of the door, knocking without hesitation. But regret washed over her, as soon as she finished. Tempting thoughts of doing all this over text, instead, filled her mind. He deserved it, after the way he'd treated her. Then again, he'd also been her boyfriend since eighth grade. And had been a good one, until just recently. He deserved a face-to-face breakup more._

 _Right?_

 _The door opening sealed her fate._

" _Hey, babe," Aaron said, smiling in his shorts and T-shirt. "I'm happy you came by. I've got so much to tell you about what I've planned for us this summer." He leaned down for a kiss, but Lissa turned away. He pulled back with a frown. "Is something wrong?"_

 _She averted her gaze to the floor, fiddling with the sides of her dress. "I'm not spending summer break with you."_

" _What? But we always do."_

" _Not anymore." Tense silence hung in the air. Lissa swallowed hard. It burned her throat, but it was a welcome distraction. Kind of like how cutting herself was._

 _Aaron finally spoke. "Are you breaking up with me?!" He sounded so hurt and stunned._

 _She swallowed again and met his gaze. The way he looked made her heart ache. "Yes."_

" _Why?"_

 _The truth was right on the tip of her tongue. However, "I'm sorry," was what came out instead. She didn't want to hurt his feelings even more._

 _He grew upset. "Seriously?! That's all you have to say to me. 'I'm sorry?!'"_

" _Well, I am."_

" _I can't believe this." He ran a hand through his hair, jaw clenched. "You think you're too good for me?" he accused, drawing the attention of some Moroi who were also in the process of moving out. "You think because you're a princess now, I'm suddenly not worth your time?"_

 _Lissa flinched. She'd never expected him to say that. Yet he'd never expected her to end their relationship. It was only fair he'd cut her just as deep. "No. Of course not." Her heart ached worse. It felt like there was a gaping hole in it._

 _Aaron laughed harshly. "Yeah, sure."_

 _The wound healed. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "You know, what? You're right. You are a waste of my time. But it's not because I'm a princess. It's because you've been a shitty boyfriend, the moment Rose and my family died. And I'm fucking tired of it."_

 _He gaped, speechless._

" _I don't think I'm better than people for stupid, shallow reasons. And if you honestly think that, after all I've been through, then you can kiss my ass." She yanked off the promise ring he'd given her, when they'd started dating, and threw it at his face. "Sorry I'm not the Lissa I used to be."_

 _She turned on her heel and stormed down the hallway. The Moroi students who'd been eavesdropping stared at her in silence as she passed, just as shocked as Aaron. They'd probably begin spreading the news of their breakup, as soon as she left. Yet she didn't care. All she cared about now was focusing on her healing journey._

 _Chicago was going to be so much fun._

* * *

"Vasilisa Dragomir."

She broke out of the memory, as the feeding attendant called her name. Lissa headed toward the kind-looking woman who led her to the back, still feeling Aaron's glare burning into her. She was glad she'd chosen to break off the relationship in person. Had it been over text, he'd want a physical explanation and keep trying to talk to her until he got closure.

Once she finished feeding and catching up with Alice, her favorite feeder who had an eccentric yet grandmotherly vibe, she ventured to the commons. She had some room for a solid snack. But then, she remembered they weren't serving breakfast anymore.

Damn. She should've gone there first.

With a sigh, Lissa changed her route to the infirmary. Dimitri had told her in Chicago that he wanted her to get a prescribed antidepressant, the day they returned to school. He'd initially planned on having her take medication _and_ go to therapy. Yet after much discussion, they'd agreed to consult a therapist if the medication wasn't enough, or her mental health worsened.

He'd emailed her about meeting him there after she settled in and got food, while she'd unpacked. She hoped no one else would be there. If anyone discovered she was getting put on those kinds of pills, she'd die. It was a good idea he'd suggested they come separately. It surely made it less obvious.

The infirmary was fortunately vacant, when she arrived. Its sterile scent stung her nose, and she recalled the time she'd had to stay in there last December. Images of her injuries from the accident flashed in her mind. She prayed she wouldn't have to come back for more.

Lissa found Dimitri talking with Alberta and Dr. Olendzki in the lobby. He noticed her first and beckoned her over. She joined their huddle, nervously asking the physician, "Do I need to be examined? Or do you already know what to prescribe me?"

"Guardian Belikov told me how your mental health and behavior has been, over the past several months. So, I have an idea of what antidepressant to prescribe you. But I still want to ask you a few questions just to make sure it's the right one."

"Okay." Lissa gulped, then sent a panicked look to Dimitri. He returned it with one of reassurance. She took a deep breath. It was now or never.

The doctor lead her to an exam room, while he and Alberta stayed behind and continued talking. She wished he joined her. Dr. Olendzki was probably going to interrogate her like the police. And with questions she didn't want to answer. However, she knew it was for the best. Lissa needed to be honest on her own.

They entered the nearest one, and she sat down on the patient bed.

"So," the doctor said, claiming the rolling stool. "How often were you self-harming, during the school year?"

 _Ah, great,_ she thought. _Dr. Olendzki was immediately starting off with difficult questions._

"Uh, I don't know. Every week?"

"How much every week?"

Lissa shrugged, playing with her fingers. "Maybe three times?"

"Ms. Dragomir, may I see your wrists?" She didn't comply. The physician scooted toward her and laid a hand on her back, rubbing soothingly. "Ms. Dragomir, it's okay for you to show me. I won't judge you. I just want to help you. We all do."

"Promise me you won't judge?"

"Promise."

Taking another deep breath, Lissa nodded then rolled up her long-sleeved shirt, exposing the numerous cuts that scarred both of her wrists. She heard a sharp gasp from Dr. Olendzki. In the sliver of a second, she shoved her sleeves back down. "You promised me you wouldn't judge," she accused, tears brimming in her eyes.

"I wasn't, sweetheart. I wouldn't do that to you. But I'm sorry if I made you feel that way." The doctor rubbed her back again. "How much did you do this every week?" she repeated softly.

Lissa wiped her eyes. "Every day." Knowing hadn't really bothered her before. Yet now that she was admitting it aloud, she realized how awful it was. How badly she needed to stop.

"How often were you self-harming, during summer break?"

"Twice a month."

"That's a significant decrease. Did being away from school help?"

"Yes." It was the reason why Lissa hadn't wanted to come back to St. Vladimir's. She had been worried she'd start cutting herself severely again.

"How did self-harming make you feel?"

"Relieved. Balanced. In control." She wished she was lying, but it was the twisted truth. And she hated it.

Dr. Olendzki nodded, processing her words. When she resumed talking, her voice grew softer. "Guardian Belikov said you're seeing Rose's ghost. Is that true?"

Lissa tensed. This was the question she'd dreaded the most. She debated between honesty and deception, until she settled for the truth. "Yes. I see her. And talk to her, too."

"How does her presence make you feel?"

"Sane. Happy and complete."

"What kinds of things does she say to you?"

Now, she chose her words carefully. Just in case Dimitri hadn't told Dr. Olendzki about their theories on Rose's existence. "Things we used to do together. She also tells me she'll always take care of me."

"I see." Dr. Olendzki rolled to the computer and typed for a few moments. "Since you have severe depression, I'm going to give you a stronger prescription than I planned. It should help stabilize your mood and lessen your self-harming habits. As well as combat your hallucinations."

Hallucinations? Lissa frowned. She was offended the doctor believed she was crazy. But she didn't confront her on it. Her thinking Rose's ghost wasn't real was a good sign. Dimitri hadn't told her about their theories. And hopefully, it'd stay that way.

"All right, Ms. Dragomir. We're done here. You can wait in the lobby, while I get your medication."

They left the room, and Lissa returned to the front of the infirmary. Dimitri was alone. He gave her a small smile. "How did it go?"

"Fine. I wish I didn't have to be on medication, but it is what it is." She looked around then asked, "Did you tell Guardian Petrov about…"

He shook his head. "No. She has no idea about the theories. All she knows is you've been seeing and communicating with Rose's ghost. But she doesn't believe she's real, like Dr. Olendzki. She thinks it's a symptom of your depression."

Lissa sighed in relief. "Okay. Good."

"I wanted to hold off on telling them what we think. We don't have any solid information yet. I'd rather just us figure out what's going on, before we share. That way we'd know how to properly handle the situation."

Her heart soared. She was so happy they were on the same page. Involving people right now would indeed be too much. It'd mess up everything.

A few minutes passed, and Dr. Olendzki came back with her prescription. She informed her of possible side effects and mentioned the required dosage. After telling her to return if issues occurred, they exchanged goodbyes and parted ways.

When Lissa and Dimitri arrived at her dorm room, she had a sinking feeling in her stomach. The bag her pills had been put in seemed heavy in her hand. But strangely, she couldn't drop it. Her fingers stayed wrapped around it, quaking.

"What if this doesn't work?" she whispered, once they were inside. Natalie wasn't there yet. "What if I start cutting myself again? What if I get worse?"

"You're going to be fine. This'll all get better. I promise." He sounded confident, but deep down, she knew he was just as scared as her.

"But what if it doesn't? What if we should've never come back? What if I'm a lost cause?"

Dimitri made her face him, and he pulled her in for a hug. She held on to him tightly, finding comfort in his warm, muscled body. He rested his chin on her head. Her eyes closed. His heartbeat was like a lullaby. "You're not a lost cause, Lissa." He repeated the words, like he was trying to convince himself too. "You're not a lost cause."

Still, she couldn't help wondering, "But what if I am? What if I…What if I kill myself?" It had become her deepest, darkest fear. In Chicago, she'd been able to overpower it. Yet now, it was coming back to haunt her. What if she stopped being able to defeat it—for good? Tears gathered in her eyes again.

He clutched her tighter, as if letting go would make her fade away. As if it'd keep her from leaving like Ivan had. "You won't. Rose and I will make sure of it."

* * *

 **Author's Note**

* * *

Sorry this was a month late! I got blocked a little bit. But thankfully, I powered through. How'd you like the first flashback? Can you imagine being dumped by THE Dragomir princess? I'm sure Aaron's ego will be forever bruised. Especially since another guy's gonna benefit from this situation. *wink, wink*

Also, I hope the Lissa and Dimitri moment at the end didn't ruffle your Romitri feathers. I know it may be a little strange seeing them be intimate. But I figured since I'm developing a friendship between them and they're helping each other heal from their losses, he wouldn't be scared to lose her just because it'd be the ultimate failure as a guardian. He'd also be scared to lose her because he's grown to care about her. He doesn't want to lose another friend, and he genuinely wants her to be happy again.

Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favs! It's much appreciated. The next update will have the second flashback, and it'll be from Chicago :-)

 **P.S.** I'm now posting on Archive of Our Own, in addition to here. So, my stories will be equally available across both sites. However, I do plan on posting a revised version of **CBF** on AO3 first, after I finish the original version here. Then, I'd like to update the original version on here. And I'm just gonna leave **HEA** alone for good. I don't have interest in revising it and doing a short story prequel, anymore.

Until next time...


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